Sulking in the corner
Tears flowing from my eyes
I heard them murmur
About me ,making up rumors
I was a victim of a serious crime
Of bullying and painful mime
Day in and Day out I hear
Their incessant pestering chimes
Stressed and messed up
I cant sit still but shiver
clutching the bench beside
Mind rovers like wild river
Mocking hurting ,killing
My inner self esteem
Bullying created a putrefying heart
No way will it again gleam
Deep down inside of me
My soul shattered into thousands of pieces
And i wonder in it
If i can find once again peace
I became i shadow of my own
Filled with fear and unknown
Everything seemed gone
My purpose and laughter
Nothing came thereafter
However time shall reconcile it all
Wound deep down will heal as final call
I know i could sail to success and be a dazzling star
Happiness will beckon me and its not so far
Bullying has made me much stronger
You and your words matter no longer
I can stand up with courage in my mind
Past troubles no more and present is kind
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hi, Shanya Basu!
First of all, I love your poem. I felt hope in it.
BTW, I caught a small typo, here: About me ,making up rumors. Just close up the space between 'me' and the comma, then add a space between 'making' and the comma. Then a very small typo in the next verse. (You just double-spaced.) Then one more comma problem on the 13th line, the same as the last one. You didn't capitalize all the "I"s, but some poets make that part of their style.
I hope you don't take me for rude for correcting so much!
Once again, I loved the poem. The pictures are a nice touch.
Hey there! I'm here to review your work!
Okay, so, first order of business: You did really well on it! Here's how:
1. Your topic was a really important topic to be talked about. Lots of people are bullied around the world, and usually the only way they are told to handle it is "Step up! Don't be a bully or a bystander! Be an upstander!" Yes, it is important to be an upstander, and it is important to not bully or just stay to the side, but what people actually need to hear is a story from somebody who was bullied and how they would handle it, which you did. You didn't show just the bullying, and you didn't show just the part where you got better, so you kept a much-needed balance.
2. You mostly used proper grammar, which is good, because there are a lot of grammar police around. Also, grammar is important because sometimes people only focus on grammar issues and not the actual content. Because of your (mostly) good grammar, people will stay on track while reading.
3. You used pictures and words to show what happened. This is good for both visual learners and... um... I forgot the word, so I'll go with non-visual learners.... They'll both be able to understand what happened, which is great!
Now, for the cons.
I did mention that the grammar was only mostly good, so there are some issues with that, but not many. I noticed that when you said "Mocking hurting ,killing," and "However time shall reconcile it all," you needed more commas. It should read "Mocking, hurting, killing," and "However, time shall reconcile it all. I also noticed multiple times you forgot to capitalize the pronoun "I."
Other than the few grammar issues, you did amazingly!
I hope you have a great day!